What's really going on in your head?

Listen, I know it must be annoying to read nothing but sad posts or to hear about me talk about my ex. I get it, but this is me and this is how i cope with things. Don't get me wrong, god damn i have been doing so good. SOO good. Yes all that pain is still there and im still struggling everyday. I learned how to block out some of those feelings, i learned how to be happy or to stop myself from crying. I also learned more how to keep things to myself and not talk about my past to anyone. I know i am no where near perfect, im not making it seem like i was the good one and did nothing wrong and it was all my ex. No it was the both of us. I blame myself for him leaving but then i think no i was not the reason he left. He knew he could be happier with someone else and so he did. Granted there was a lot more to it and what exactly happened as to why i am so destroyed. It's okay. I've learned that in life holding grudges won't help you move on. Accepting the fact

My saddness turned numb My mind became more confused My life i guess is a rollercoaster Not knowing when the next down fall was Having no idea wether to cry or to be filled with so much hate A mind with a tornado inside it, destroying every memory of you My wrists ache for the blade Wether to push that blade deep down and feel the relief of pain from my heart Just for a few seconds or to put the blade down for the empty feeling that will  one day be the  death of me . The first poem i wrote. -krb confused-suffering

Ok i get it now...    I can completely see how she is the one for you. You do things for her so easily that you had such a hard time doing for me. Yeah it really sucks. I spent 3 years falling in love and with a mindset of marrying you.    Now here i am saying that the new girl you are with is the one for you. She makes you happier than i ever could even though i really did my best to fulfill every need of yours and to be the best girlfriend. I guess that in life you have these relationships that are super great and then fall apart.    Pretty much a wake up call to me, I needed to see the wrong in the relationship we had and now that we arent together i can see it all and why it didn't work out.    Its not easy at all to say any of this, matter of fact I cant stop crying while typing this and i dont even want to post it but i need this off my chest so bad. I cant talk to anyone about it, i cant physically speak about it.. It hurts to much. The pain im getting use to it thou