I've accepted it..
I can completely see how she is the one for you. You do things for her so easily that you had such a hard time doing for me. Yeah it really sucks. I spent 3 years falling in love and with a mindset of marrying you.
Now here i am saying that the new girl you are with is the one for you. She makes you happier than i ever could even though i really did my best to fulfill every need of yours and to be the best girlfriend. I guess that in life you have these relationships that are super great and then fall apart.
Pretty much a wake up call to me, I needed to see the wrong in the relationship we had and now that we arent together i can see it all and why it didn't work out.
Its not easy at all to say any of this, matter of fact I cant stop crying while typing this and i dont even want to post it but i need this off my chest so bad. I cant talk to anyone about it, i cant physically speak about it.. It hurts to much. The pain im getting use to it though. There are days i wake up and im like " wow yes im okay and over it" then an hour goes by and either someone or something reminds me of you and i fall apart.
I guess the one thing that is super hard for me to understand is that, 3 years and all those good times that you were so quick to act like i never existed.. Makes me wonder what i really meant to you or if i even meant anything at all. Clearly i will always have love for you, but i hope you never try coming back. I can't even say that i want you back because every time i say that to myself i remember all those nights i stayed up crying and you being unbelievably mean to me, the nights i would take so many xanax just to numb the pain and sleep away all the anxiety you'd give me. The things i worked so hard to do for you like trying to trust you after every mistake that was made, trying to give you that space you wanted 24/7.. Letting go of someone who could have made me happy just to take you back.. (biggest mistake) I really worked myself for someone that never loved me. I was too blind to see how careless you were with me. Now i can see it all, after hearing and seeing the way you treat her and talk about her.. Those are all the things that were so hard for you to do with me. You were never able to curve any girls for me but its like your job now with her and you have no problem with it, she honestly has it sooo easy with you when it was always a struggle for me with you but i stayed even the days we had to go months not seeing one another and then all those letters from bootcamp... anyways
Just wish you would have left me sooner.. I mean you didn't love me so why exactly did you stay for 3 years? I'll never know that answer. Im glad that you become a man and are treating her good. I couldn't bare to think about you treating another girl the way you treated me. Emotionally and mentally fucked me up so bad that sometimes i wish to never wake up. I have so many scars all over my leg and arm from hurting myself over you.
What im trying to say is that i get it, and i accept the fact you left me and found someone who does make you happy. Hopefully one day ill find someone too and they will be able to show me what love really is. Not any time soon im still working on myself but i just pray i can be as happy as you are.
i feel better now, goodbye.
No body can understand your pain but yourself and no body will ever understand the shoes you walk in. But remember with time you will eventually heal and it's not the end of the world - you are so young that you need to remind yourself that you have a lot of years a head of you and this is a small lesson in your life.ReplyDelete
I feel ya. I have been there with a relationship I held onto for 5 years. One day I woke up and realized that everything he did was because he wasn't happy with himself. I tried so hard to be the girl he couldn't imagine hitting or cheating on. I tried to be perfect. After it was all over and he bounced from girl to girl searching for whatever he thought he needed I took time to learn to love myself again. I came to accept that those 5 years I thought I wasted were really just countless lessons I learned. Sometimes shitty sides make us stronger women. You are strong as fuck and wise beyond your years. Don't let some narcissist ruin you. His insecurities have nothing to do with you. You're beautiful and deserve a man who can love you for your Strengths and flawsReplyDelete
i love youReplyDelete