d r o w n i n g
You know where the best place to cry is? The shower.
No one can hear you crying, no one can bother you or ask you multiple questions on why you are crying. Also you can get out of that shower from crying, wipe your tears away, drying off and walking out as if nothing ever happened, as if you're fine..
Usually when i cry in the shower, i tend to lay in the tub as the water falls on me. Sometimes i even ask god "why me?" because honestly, why me? Why is everything so hard, so confusing and just so painful?
Sometimes i wish i could drown myself during the times i cry in the shower. Ever taken a bath and held yourself under water until you were literally shaking for air? yeah i have. you come up gasping for air and its like for a split second everything paused. feelings, thoughts, the pain. Because all i was focused on was holding my breath and trying to stay under for as long as i can..
Not everything is meant to sound right, you may think im crazy and you will never understand but i know im not the only one who tries to drown every feeling out of them.
"If you knew how much it kills me to see you smiling with her, you'd cry in the shower too.."
i cried in the shower today, that is why im typing this. one thing im proud of, is that i put the blade down from cutting myself.
that is all..