what do i want?


Honestly, for awhile i really thought i knew what i wanted. I tried so hard to keep what i wanted and just dealt with the pain of waiting for what i wanted.

7 months later, i feel like i truly dont want it anymore.
All the times i felt hurt, felt sad and felt like i meant nothing to someone, finally got to me.

That shouldnt be something i want? Not at all. I deserve more, right?

Someone who will actually show interest, show they want me, need me, and care for me. Not just sometimes, but all the time. Excuse me if that sounds needy but what person wouldn't want that?

Out of all the times i have been told i deserve so much more and sat there and was like naahh its fine its what i want. Well now i say to myself " what the fuck was i thinking ". BECAUSE I DO DESERVE BETTER.

I truly wont ever ever ever settle for less. I refuse to lose myself over any human. It was never worth it.

Granted, i still cry like a little bitch sometimes, but thats normal.

I mean, the guy i wanted. Yeah dude i really care for him and to be honest i think i always will. He is always going to be apart of my life wether or not we stay just friends. We share the same friends so obviously we will run into each other. Which is fine, i can be an adult and mature about everything even if i have to see him be with another girl. Shit i already have lol the fuck. I handled that shit good as fuck but it hurt. its okay, thats life. Makes you stronger.

AnYwAyS *spongebob voice*;
I think im at that point in life that i really am just focusing on myself, if someone wants me they will make it known. If things are meant to be they will be. What i have learned is that to never stop living your life even if things arent going your way or the way you wish and hoped it will go. Things come to you when its right for you. Dont fight it, dont rush it, and most importantly dont stress it.

Love is love, the #1 love that you really need, is the love for yourself, mentally and emotionally.

Wow, I feel great after typing this. I felt last week and this week that ive been so unimportant to someone. I snapped outta that today after having me time to think about stuff.

So if you are reading this, I just want to tell you. You are important, love yourself and let things happen on their own. Live to the fullest.

-ky
confused-suffering


Comments

  1. You're learning well. Some people just aren't meant to be together, and that's okay. People are complicated, and putting two of them together is even more complicated. You're doing the right thing by focusing on yourself; you want someone to fall for the you that you love. You are great, and it's a good thing you're doing well. Peace dawg

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